Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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