8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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