New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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