i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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