cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you had me at cake vodka
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
