there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
