No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
