Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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