she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
