can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
