It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
