I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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