I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
