if only i could text you this smell
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
