Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
