Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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