marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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