so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could fuck to npr.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
