On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's even glitter on my cock...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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