I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
zippers are such a cool invention
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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