Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
