No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
