But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
