So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
