Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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