I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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