I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
