I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
