Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
