Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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