I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
