Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
