i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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