I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
