I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
