You really coming over, don't trick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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