Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
