who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
