I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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