went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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