i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
