I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
