fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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