do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
