He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?