question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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