i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I die, sorry about rent.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
