I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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