and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
