i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
