You can't motorboat a personality
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
