my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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