so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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