hotel room ftw
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
