duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
