I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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