You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
