You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
