The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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