He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
