good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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