girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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