I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
