is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
