I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
