it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
