Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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