He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
