The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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