I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
