Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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