She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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