i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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