What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
