Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
