You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
