sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
