Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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